10 Things I Hate Stepping On With Bare Feet

I detest shoes. I believe they were created by the devil himself and that there should be very strict laws about not wearing them. Dave used to laugh at me because I would not take 3 steps in the front door before kicking off my shoes. I do not wear them unless I have to, then I prefer to wear the lightest, most minimal shoes possible.

Now, that being said, there are times when I begin to believe that I darn well should have been wearing shoes. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Lego's - Have you ever stepped on a Lego? You always know when someone has stepped on a Lego because the action is always followed by a sharp intake of breath, a thud as the person falls against the wall, and stifled cuss words so that the children will not repeat it when they should not. Lego's hurt. They hurt like very few other things. Dave tells me it has to do with the size and structure of the blocks and how they are just tall enough to compound the force per square inch, thus causing maximum pain. I think they hurt because some evil sadist sat around thinking of ways for children to torture mothers.

2. Dog food - This may not be true of all dog food, but it is certainly true of the dog food that Dobby perfers. He eats the Nutra Max for Large Breeds and the chunks are just the right size to make you jump off of it and swear under your breath. They are rounded, which does not put them in the same catagory as Lego's but they do enough damage to make it worth avoiding.

3. Slugs - Outside my house, both on the back deck and on the front walk way we have a family of slugs. The stupid things insist on sliming their way across the path just at the time of night that I am trying to get things done. You'd think after I stepped on 10 of them or so that they'd wait until later in the evening to cross the path, but no. When you step on a slug in bare feet you are instantly sick to your stomach. Your eyes slam shut and you try to think of ANYTHING else. Then you make a giant leap into the grass and begin to drag your foot through the grass like a dog wiping their butt. The pukey feeling usually goes away in an hour or two, but the nightmares last for weeks.

4,5,6,7,8,9, and 10 - Thorns - Thorns of all kinds. It seems if there are thorns on the ground, I will find them. Around here I usually get into the blackberries, roses, stupid pokey weed in my yard, and other thorns I can't identify but leap out to grab me as I pass by. I believe it is a plot. Every spring I butcher the blackberries and the roses in an attempt to keep them away from my walkways and therfore away from my feet. This does not do any good. They see me coming and wrap themselves around my ankles and precede to embed themselves in my skin. They are evil and should be destroyed. Unfortunately, I'm to soft hearted to actually rip them out!